Fortunately . . . Unfortunately

Fortunately, one Sunday night, I decided to take out the garbage for the next day’s trash pick-up.  Unfortunately, it was bitterly cold and the driveway was very icy.  Fortunately, I decided to take it out anyway.  Unfortunately, I slipped on the ice in the driveway.  But fortunately, I directed the fall to a nearby snowbank which cushioned my fall.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t get up and there was not a soul in sight, nor car, not even an animal could see me there lying in the snowbank.  But fortunately, my friend, Mary, was coming soon to take me out with her for supper.  Unfortunately, my backside was getting number by the second waiting for Mary.  But fortunately, Mary showed up within about 5 minutes.  Unfortunately, she had to get a chair from the inside the house to help me get up and unfortunately, the door to my house was locked.  Fortunately, Mary finally got in and got the chair which she set up for me in the driveway.  But unfortunately, I needed something to put under my knees so I could push myself up.  Unfortunately, the cat was laying on the towel, but fortunately, Mary was able to get the cat off the towel which she then doubled over so it would be soft, and fortunately, I was able to get up.  But unfortunately, my backside was numb from the cold and it took over an hour to thaw out.  Fortunately, I am still alive.

The moral of this story is:  Do not let your senile parents go outside alone on a bitterly cold night or they could freeze to death within minutes–not even to take out the garbage.